July 4 - We spent the evening at the neighbors, chatting around the fire pit, drinking adult beverages and watching them set off cheap fireworks. We even had some laughs at Al Gore's expense, needlessly burning trash and cheap lumber along with launching the smoking flashbombs.
After many successful launches, one of the devices fell on it's side while firing and shot a flare into the spectators. The burning missile passed to the left of most and to the right of me, striking the house behind me and landing on the brick patio 6 feet from me. Fortunately the firework just flashed and didn't send off burning shrapnel. A near miss, we should have learned from it.
We got lucky with that one, but not smart. We lit a similar device later that fell over too. It misfired in the opposite direction.
There's a reason that fireworks are illegal to use in Wisconsin. But those sales tax collections make it too lucrative for the state to stop the selling.
July 5 - I started the gas grill in preparation for cooking dinner and let it warm up for several minutes. When I went out to scrape the grill I noticed that the grill was not very hot. My first instinct was to push that igniter button again. Bad mistake.
An enormous fireball erupted from the grill. The fireball singed my hair and eyebrows, but that was not the worst part. A piece of corn husk from the previous night was ignited and blown out of the grill. It landed on my hairline and continued to burn. It was several seconds before I noticed and knocked it to the ground. Don't try this at home.
July 6 - I have reason to fear. Watch for news-chopper coverage of today's stupidity.
5 years ago